Pizza, Homophobia, and The Power of Love

Hey All,

This morning I came across an article about Joel Diaz and his friend holding hands in a pizza line. As they waited they were accosted by a man telling them to cut their “gay shit” out. The response of the folks also in line, in my mind, was a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. According to Mr. Diaz:

I was a bit startled by his words but I didn't expect what happened next. Almost every single person in that line made it known to him it was not OK for him to speak to us like that…As he continued it was actually the straight people in line who spoke up that were so awesome…I didn't expect to see allies so willing to chime in and let this guy know that his hate speech wouldn't be tolerated. The best part though was as he grew more irate and vocal the guys who work the truck stopped what they were doing and leaned towards the window and told him they would not serve him because he was spewing hate. They said they support everyone in our community and that he should get out of line because they would not be serving him. 

This instance is an example of folks standing alongside and caring for “the least of these.” The individuals who saw two fellow human beings being bullied and degraded and were unwilling to allow that type of fear based hate to be carried out are far stronger than I was in similar situations. I’m so happy for Mr. Diaz and his friend and thankful for their willingness to share this story. I want to rejoice at the changes that have taken place in my life time. We’ve gone from a culture that cringed at and protested this to a culture where folks stand up for folks like Mr. Diaz and his friend. But my heart goes out to that man who lashed out at Mr. Diaz and his friend. My heart goes out to him because I’ve been there myself. His story is my story.

Growing up I was taught that homosexuality was a sin and an abomination. We were to love the sinner but hate the sin. All through out my teens and twenties I used homophobic slurs and, unlike those folks in line, stood idly by as others berated and oppressed LGBT folks. When I was in the Marine Corps I outed a fellow Marine in a group one day. Being a middle-class white boy from the Mid-west I had no idea what I had done or the possible effects of my words. I was only vaguely aware of DADT. This is of course a prime example of the ignorance possible when one is a Blonde Haired Blue Eyed Male of German descent. I was totally in the wrong. 

The miracle here is that I was stationed with that Marine later and he showed me a level of love, friendship, and respect that was fundamental in helping to crack my hardened heart. For me, my evolution from being a homophobe to an LGBT Ally was a series of events like this one. I never had a bolt of lightning moment where the scales of homophobia fell from my eyes. It was a series of events and transistions.

The cumulative effects of those cracks like I had experienced in the Corps began to bring the dam down when I was in college studying to be a Pastor. It was in my bible classes where I learned about post-modernism, exegesis, and a broad spectrum of theology that I gave myself permission to really examine my beliefs and how I came about them. What to hold on to and what to throw out.

Up till this point I had been pretty content to maintain the “If Bible says it is wrong then don’t do it” line. But the reality was that it’s always been murkier than that. The bible has verses that condone slavery, stoning unruly children, stoning adulterers, makes a case for the genocide of entire people groups. I need only look to my German and American heritage to see the need to actively work against these kinds of verses.

What I had to do was to look at scripture to try and discern what the overarching point is. When we look at scripture as a whole what is the take away message? For me the answer to that is God loves us (John 3:16) and in fact God is Love (1 John 4:8). In light of this I believe that Love is the lens through which I am to look at all of creation. It is with a prejudice of Love that I am to align myself. I believe this is what Jesus was pointing to in Matthew 22: 37-39: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all of your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

In light of this I began to see that a sin is anything that inhibits, negates, hinders, or prohibits love. Let’s take alcoholic drinking for example. I use alcoholic drinking for two reasons 1. I am an alcoholic and I like to keep things in my wheelhouse. 2. This statement, “It’s not a sin to be a Homosexual just like it’s not a sin to be an Alcoholic. It’s just a sin to act on those things.” Therein lies the rub. I believe that alcoholic drinking is a sin because it impedes my ability to love. When I am drinking my sole purpose in life becomes centered on drinking rather than love. My primary concern is not to love my God, fellow human beings, or myself. No, my concern is whatever I’ve got to do to get to my next drink. So, alcoholic drinking is a sin because it stands in the way of my ability to love.

Now let’s take homosexuality. Does being in a homosexual relationship inhibit those within the relationships ability to love? Does being attracted to a man inhibit the ability to love? Does being attracted to a woman inhibit the ability to love? I’m not talking about lust. Lust robs people of their humanity. I’m talking about the simple, primal attraction we all feel when we encounter that certain someone and desire to be in relationship with that person. Does that impede our ability to love? Does desiring intimacy with that certain someone negate our ability to love?  Does wanting to share our life with that individual hamper our ability to love? No of course it doesn’t. If anything, those things strengthen our ability to love. Because I answer no to each of those questions I found that I must answer no to the question of whether or not homosexuality is a sin. (For far more eloquent and in depth articulations of this line of thought check out John Shore’s book Unfair and Matthew Vine’s outstanding talk The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality)

When I came to this understanding of scripture and the Gospel my faith required that I change my beliefs. No longer can I stand by and watch as people are oppressed and treated as second class citizens of the Kingdom we’re all invited into. No longer could I claim ignorance out of fear. No longer could I remain off stage or on the sidelines. Love does not permit such cowardice. Love requires and compels me to stand alongside my brothers and sisters in the trenches. It was for this reason that, when asked to in 2012, I officially left the denomination I was seeking ordination through and began speaking out in support of LGBT rights and equality. For me this was a 25 year wrestling. It is no easy thing to pull a 180 on something so entrenched as a belief that something is a sin or is in some way detestable.

I told you all of that to ask this: Please pray for that man. Pray that this moment will be a turning point for him. As a repentant homophobe myself I can attest to the fact that he’s not too far gone or unable to change. None of us are. The God who is Love is One who doggedly and blessedly pursues wayward folks like him and me.

Have a good one,

Carl

Think, Think, Think

Hey All,

It’s been over a year since I’ve posted anything here and a week since the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. I’ll get into my prolonged absence in a later post but for now I’d like to focus on the way we process, grieve, and respond to this abhorrent event. As always this is one dude’s opinion based on and rooted in my experiences, strengths, weakness, hopes, and fears. While I’ll do my best to minimize my weaknesses and fears I’m certain that some will slip through so I ask that you be mindful of that possibility which happily brings me to my request for all of us during this time: Think!

Think for yourselves. Think about what you are hearing. Think about your responses to what you’re hearing. Think about what you are saying. Think before a word forms on your tongue. Think about why you are saying it. Think about the person saying what you’re hearing. Think about the beliefs you purport to hold. Think about the meaning of the words you are saying. Think about whether or not what you’re about to do or say is helpful or not. Think about the context you inhabit. Think about what is going on in the world. Think about your part in the goings on of the world. Think about your actions. Think about your motives. In the words of my father: Think Dammit!

Way too often I just let the words fall right out of my mouth without thought or care to the far reaching implications of what I’m saying. When my thoughtless or careless words are held back up to me by someone I get fussy. I was just blowing off steam. I didn’t mean it like that! That was not my intention! That’s taken out of context. I didn’t think…

What we say matters. How we speak about things matter. The words we use effect how what we are saying will be received. Some of the folks who started reading this bristled at and may even no longer be with us because of the last word of paragraph two. What we post, blog, or tweet is a reflection of our true selves. How we conduct ourselves affects the world around us. The cold reality is that we really do love others as we love ourselves. How we treat people, how we react and respond to the world around us is a tethered to the anchor of how view we have ourselves and the baggage we lug around with us. To be aware of that is to be given the choice to take responsibility for yourself.

Have a good one,

Carl

Life, Death, and the Futility of Everything: Part 4

Hey All,

In Spiritual Formations Henri Nouwen tells the story of a university professor seeking Zen. The professor walks into the Zen master’s house and explains the reason for his visit and his desire to learn all he can from the master. The Zen master served the man some tea. He poured the professors cup full, and then kept right on pouring. The professor watched and exclaimed, “What are you doing! The cup is full no more will tea will go in!” The Zen master responded by saying, “Like the cup you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I teach you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

For the past few weeks now (1, 2, 3) we’ve been wading through Ecclesiastes and exploring the worldview of Qoheleth. The reason for this study is because when I read Ecclesiastes I can see that my cup is full of my own misguided hang-ups, ideas, wants, and beliefs and that I am in desperate need of emptying my cup. I easily slide into a worldview dictated by my various desires, passions, and abilities. I start to lose sight of the fact that God’s name is not Carl. Ecclesiastes helps me to let go of those notions. Ecclesiastes is a spiritual enema. It helps clear out our heads and hearts so that God can help us put together a perspective and worldview in keeping with God’s will for us. A worldview rooted in love, charity, grace, mercy, and serenity.

  This week we’ll be covering chapters 2 and 3. To change things up we’re going to let YouTube help us with the gist of these two chapters. Chapter 2…well actually the whole of Ecclesiastes can be summed up by these:

Ralph Stanely: O Death:

I love that line “O Death won’t you spare me over till another year” that is followed later by Death’s reality “…having mercy is out of your (Death’s) reach.” Death is inevitable to all. You can eat all the right foods, be as smart as Mr. Hawking, exercise like Richard Simmons, and pray till you’re blue in the face it doesn’t matter ‘cause death will come a callin’ on us all.

The Notorious B.I.G: Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems:

In this song Puffy raps, “Ten years from now we’ll still be on top.” Quick question: Can anybody tell me whose album Bad Boy just released? Yeah…

Loudon Wainwright III: Hard Day on the Planet:

“We don’t seem to learn; and we can’t seem to stop.” Find an alcoholic or addict and ask them if this is true.

Liza Minnelli: Life is a Cabaret:

When I read chapter 2.24 I think of the crescendo in this song, “Start by admitting from cradle to tomb it isn’t that long a stay. Life is a cabaret old chum…and I love a Cabaret.” Yes it’s all a fleeting gasp of air but it’s the only breath we’ve got so we might as well enjoy it.

Denis Leary: Life’s Gonna Suck:

I kid, I kid…Okay Chapter 3:

The Byrds: Turn! Turn! Turn!:

     Any non-academic look at Ecclesiastes is legally obligated to reference this song at least once.

There are things in Ecclesiastes 2 and 3 that we are going to explore further. First, if we are to make the best of our time here under the sun it would behoove us to admit that we’re powerless over a whole lot of things. Secondly, things that we pursue under the sun with tenacity, like a good marriage, status, intimacy with our fellow man, a good time, and what not, while not inherently bad or evil, could lead to our destruction or the destruction of others. Now that’s a bold statement which we’ll come back to. But in order to do so let’s first flesh out what I mean by our powerlessness.

Jesus acknowledges that as we walk through the transition from Genesis 2’s garden to Revelation 21’s city things aren’t going to be as they should be. In Mark 14 a woman poured expensive perfume all over Jesus’ head to the surprise of Judas who claimed that it was a wasteful act. Jesus replied by saying, “Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial.” In Matthew 24 Jesus tells his followers that “…you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are but the beginning of the birth pains.” These verses bring me to two conclusions. One, as followers of Christ we are to stand with the poor and oppressed, to care to for the sick, to provide for the orphaned and widowed, clothe the naked, and put away our swords. Second, we have to acknowledge that just because we are doing those things doesn’t mean that poverty will be eradicated, that no more children will be orphaned, that no more wives will lose their husbands, that all those who are naked will be clothed ,and swords will most certainly not easily be beaten into plowshares.  Does that mean we’re off the hook and we can just stand on the road waiting for Godot? Absolutely not! It means that we are free to focus on the problems and shortcomings of our own hearts, marriages, families, friendships, relationships, towns, counties, states, and nations. We can’t solve the world’s problem but we can tend to our little corners of the globe and do the best we can to create systems and ways of living that are nurturing, sustainable, loving, and merciful in those corners.

The second thing to explore in Ecclesiastes 2 and 3 is that some of the things of this world, while not inherently bad or evil, can lead to our destruction or the destruction of others if we pursue those things obsessively. Money is a prime example. It is often said that money is the root of all evil. This is not true. Money is not evil. Money is a tool like a hammer. Like a hammer, money can be used to create or destroy. The pursuit of money is not evil if money is being pursued in order to create things out of love. I attended a fundraising event recently for a transitional home. The sole purpose of the event was to gain money. It was not evil or wrong for the folks who run that home to pursue money in order to achieve the vision and dream God has placed on their hearts for that place. However if they start asking for more than they need and start raising money just to raise money well then they will have lost the plot.

In the same way the pursuit of what Qoheleth describes in Ecclesiastes 2:11-14 “the Good Life,” or in my context the “American Dream,” only becomes immoral if that life is brought about at the expense of another’s well being. If we pursue safety, comfort, sustenance, and a livelihood in a way that is harmful to another human being’s safety, comfort, sustenance, and livelihood then we are in the wrong. In the Lord’s Prayer we pray that God will give us our daily bread. The prayer is for our daily bread not my daily bread. It’s a communal prayer. Bonhoeffer points out that there is enough to go around for everyone. It is only when we take more than we need that folks go without. I can tell you that in my own life I’m taking part in harming another when I’m clinging too tightly to some perceived need. When my waking thoughts are consumed by a particular concern or want then I am in danger of over stepping my bounds and taking more than I need.  

Like the Zen master, God has chosen to wait until we empty our cups and become willing to receive what God has to offer us. God wants a relationship with us and nothing kills a relationship faster than one party forcing their will on another. God wants us be open to the worldview God has. To be able to see the world as God sees it, to weep when God weeps, to marvel at what God marvels at, to experience the world as God experiences it. God wants to be the Cindy Lou Who to our Grinch. The Grinch was only able to really embrace Christmas when he let go of his opinions and prejudices and opened his mind and heart. Ecclesiastes can help us acknowledge the limits and fleeting nature of wisdom, labor, good times, and life in general and let go of our pursuit of those things. It is only from that point that we will be open to the life God has to offer us. Ecclesiastes helps us to see that once we empty ourselves of the belief that money, wisdom, toil, or revelry or the like will give us meaning we are ready for God to fill our cups.

Have a good one,

Carl

Life, Death, and the Futility of Everything: Part 3

Hey All,

Today we pick up with the first passage in Ecclesiastes to look at wisdom; Ecclesiastes 1.12-18:

 ¹² I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. ¹³ I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the sun. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind! ¹⁴ I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 ¹⁵ The crooked cannot be straightened;
   what is missing cannot be made up.
 ¹⁶ I said to myself, “Look, I have increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.” ¹⁷ Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.
 ¹⁸ For with much wisdom comes much distress;
   the more knowledge, the more pain.

Verse 12 serves as the formal introduction for Ecclesiastes with Qoheleth invoking the Solomon imagery we discussed last week. The reason to use Solomon as window dressing for his world is simply that if anyone would know the highest of highs and lowest of lows that this futile life has to offer it would be Solomon. During his reign Solomon reached the very pinnacle only to end his reign in ruin. If you've seen Scorsese's The Aviator you've seen something akin to Solomon's trajectory. Qoheleth moves on to the mission statement in verse 13 to apply his mind to study, using wisdom to view all that is done under the sun. The verse ends with a summary of Qoheleth’s findings. The summary illustrates Qoheleth’s unflinching look at creation. Even God will be brought into Qoheleth’s gaze.

Qoheleth serves as a good example for us today in that we should not be afraid to ask hard questions, to look unflinchingly on everything, to be “as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves” (Matthew 10:16). Qoheleth is an exemplary model of a wise serpent and yet, as is often the case, Qoheleth is a crap dove. This is important to note as we continue our journey into Ecclesiastes. Qoheleth has many things to teach us, show us, reveal to us, nevertheless we must remain discerning and fully present as we wade further in. I find that when approaching scripture I must remember to view it ultimately through the lens of Love. This is the only way I know to find something resembling the balance of wise serpent and gentle dove. To do otherwise too often leads me to despair and that is not my goal for us today. The goal is to look on the world as it stands under the sun and hopefully arrive at a place of acceptance.

¹⁴ I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 ¹⁵ The crooked cannot be straightened;
   what is missing cannot be made up.

My knee jerk reaction is to recoil at verses 14 and 15. I so desperately want to believe that Qoheleth is wrong here. Seventeen different Bible verses flash in my mind contradicting this simple observation. It is only when I remember that Qoheleth is limiting our view to things under the sun that I begin to adjust my view and see what Qoheleth is pointing to. When I look at the world we live in I begin to see Qoheleth’s point. What is crooked cannot be straightened out. What is missing cannot be made up for. I look at the time I’ve spent in the trenches of alcoholism and addiction and see all my brothers and sisters who were brought down in spite of very real desires to quit. I remember the bloated bellies in Africa. I see the arms scarred by cigarette burns. I see the eyes of victims. I remember Christmas Eve 1999.

I was stationed in Okinawa Japan at the time. I was a Combat Photographer in the Marines. One of the duties my unit was assigned to was to take crime scene photography for the Military Police. I was low man on the totem pole so I drew photog duty over Christmas. I got the call around midnight to meet the Corporal out front with my camera. When he showed up I asked what we were looking at and he muttered something about domestic abuse. When I got to the station I was escorted back to a room by a Staff Sergeant who told me to make sure I took pictures of everything, every cut, every scrape, every bruise, everything. I think he saw that I was scared and he asked me if I could handle it. I said I could. So, I walk into the room and before me was a man covered in cuts, bruises, and scratches. The dude looked busted up. Apparently he and his wife had an argument and she snapped. I’ll never forget the embarrassment and pain in his eyes. He made a bad joke about falling down the stairs into a door knob. I introduced myself and explained to him that I had to take pictures of him and the importance of me documenting everything. The wonderful thing about a camera is once you’re looking through that view finder you kind of check out. Everything else falls away and “the shot” is all that matters. After about 10 minutes I’ve got every cut, bruise, and scratch. I quickly said goodbye and walked out the door. As I was coming out the wife was being escorted down the hall and she noticed me and started cussing me out. Once I got home I dropped the camera and pager off with another Marine. I sat down opened a beer, lit a cigarette, and started shaking.

Up until this point I knew humans could be swine but it was more of a theoretical knowledge based on facts I’d heard about on the news, WWII pictures, and hearsay. Now I had seen it for realsees. I went on to take and develop far worse crime scene pictures but for whatever reason that Christmas Eve is the touchstone I return to as the example of just how crooked the world is and how things cannot be made straight. Abuse cannot be undone. A stolen childhood cannot be returned. A violation cannot be erased. The blood on our hands never really comes off. Some wounds are so deep the scars will always be present. There are no take backs or reset buttons. What is crooked stays crooked and there’s nothing we can do about it.

  ¹⁸ For with much wisdom comes much distress;
   the more knowledge, the more pain.

The more we learn about the world around us the easier it is to despair. The more we open ourselves to the struggles of our brothers and sisters the more we sense in some very real ways just how broken this world is. The distress and pain that Qoheleth identifies is rooted in the knowledge that we can’t make things okay. We know the world is not okay and that no matter how much we pour out of ourselves at best we’re still screaming at the tide to change. We’re never going to be smart enough. We’re never going to get it all right. The more wisdom we gain the more in touch we’ll be with just how ignorant and small we really are. We’re not strong enough, wise enough, good enough, or big enough to make things right. The big brother and pastor in me wants to skip ahead to Chapter 12 and offer up some platitude about how God works in mysterious ways and how all things are being made new. But you know what? The children of that couple will always remember that Christmas Eve in Japan. They will never forget the way those tears tasted. That husband will always remember the feel of his wife’s blows. The wife will always taste the anger. That Christmas Eve happened, it’s in the books, the parents may reconcile, amends may be made, justice may even be served, but none of that can add the love and grace that was missing. None of that straightens out the crookedness of that night.

The best thing I can do for my fellow brothers and sisters is bear witness. To stand up, accept that the world is all manner of broke, acknowledge that things are not as they should be. I can admit that their pain is valid. Recognize that those events that are the root of such pain happened and that their pain is real. I should not brush it off as being in the past, not that bad. Nor should I state with a certainty that I cannot possibly posses that it will get better, or that it’s all a part of God’s plan. It’s not my place to try and make it right, it is in my place to love and allow folks the dignity and space so that they may come to grips with the crookedness of the world and grieve all that it is lacking.

Have a good one,

Carl

Life, Death, and the Futility of Everything: Part 2

Hey All,

Today we begin our trip through Ecclesiastes. We’re looking at Ecclesiastes in order to understand what we can expect from a life lived in the world between Genesis 1 and Revelation 21. Last week we laid out the “where” and the “why” of this trip. Let’s now look at the “who” and the “how” of this journey and end with the Teacher’s opening salvo.

We are introduced to the writer of Ecclesiastes in verse 1: “The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem” Like all of Ecclesiastes this is misleading and slippery. Traditionally Ecclesiastes has been attributed to Solomon. Almost all scholars agree today that the writer of Ecclesiastes was most definitely not Solomon. The writer is indentified as “The Teacher” which in Hebrew is Qoheleth and it means collector of sentences, teacher, and speaker to an assembly. Qoheleth has a bit in common with Shakespeare in that no one can prove definitively that he ever existed and his works, in some circles, are considered to be the efforts of a group rather than a lone human being.

In 1898 C.G. Siegfried put forth the idea that as many as five writers were represented in Ecclesiastes. One of the reasons for this approach is that Ecclesiastes seemingly contradicts itself. In one section Qoheleth states that he hates life (2:17) and yet it another it is apparently better to be a live dog than a dead lion (9:4). There is no unanimous agreement for Ecclesiastes authorship. What is clear is that there are at least two folk's contributions in the book. The bulk of Ecclesiastes is written in the first person by Qoheleth which covers Chapters 1-12:8 while 12:9-14 are an epilogue written by another author. For our purposes here we’ll go with Qoheleth as the identifier of the writer of Ecclesiastes and the writer of the epilogue as a father or mentor reading Ecclesiastes to his son or mentee (12:12).

If Ecclesiastes wasn’t written by Solomon then why bring Solomon up at all? It’s important to first acknowledge that writers of antiquity played a lot faster and looser with “facts” than we do today. Well…some folks from today still play pretty fast and loose with facts. Anyway writers would write under pseudonyms of famous individuals to invoke images, emphasize authority, or to acknowledge a source for what they were writing. The reason Qoheleth conjures up the image of Solomon in the minds of his readers is to create a context for what he’s about to write. Solomon was considered the wisest man to ever live (1 Kings 3) and yet his reign ended in disgrace (1 Kings 11:9-13). If anyone would know the highest of highs and lowest of lows that this futile life has to offer it would be Solomon. So it is Solomon that serves as the window dressing for Qoheleth’s worldview. In my mind the voice of Qoheleth is that of Tom Waits: God's world weary carnival barker. Mr. Waits has never been one to shy away from the futility of life:

Let’s now turn to how Qoheleth approaches Ecclesiastes.  The Jewish understanding of the world at the time had three distinct realms: the heavenly realms inhabited by God and the angels, Sheol the realm of the dead, and the world “under the sun,” the land of the living, Earth. Qoheleth is exclusively interested in creation as it stands “under the sun.” This exclusivity limits our perception of the world to see how it stands independent of the heavenly realms or Sheol.  Those realms are mentioned only from the perspective of one who remains firmly under the sun. Qoheleth has looked at the world and attempted to discern some rational sense evident in the workings of the world through purely human eyes. The search has proven futile. The various pursuits this life has to offer, when viewed as an end unto themselves, are meaningless and fleeting. Take it Q!

 ² “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
   says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
   Everything is meaningless.”
 ³ What do people gain from all their labors
   at which they toil under the sun?
⁴ Generations come and generations go,
   but the earth remains forever.
⁵ The sun rises and the sun sets,
   and hurries back to where it rises.
⁶ The wind blows to the south
   and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
   ever returning on its course.
⁷ All streams flow into the sea,
   yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
   there they return again.
⁸ All things are wearisome,
   more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
   nor the ear its fill of hearing.
⁹ What has been will be again,
   what has been done will be done again;
   there is nothing new under the sun.
¹⁰ Is there anything of which one can say,
   “Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
   it was here before our time.
¹¹ No one remembers the former generations,
   and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
   by those who follow them.

Not exactly the St. Crispin Day Speech is it? You can almost hear the world inhale and exhale with each line. The sun rises and the sun sets. The wind blows south and back around north again. It has gone on long before we got here it’ll probably go on long after we’re gone. Nations rise and crumble. Scenes thrive and die. Roses bloom and wither. Cornel West is fond of saying, “we’re beings towards death, we’re featherless two-legged linguistically conscious creatures born between urine and feces whose bodies will one day be the culinary delight of terrestrial worms” (Cornel West on Truth). Life begins with a violent push, a burst of light, and a smack on the butt, which is followed by a long low crawl through hostile territory, and ends as we, alone once more, fall exhausted into our graves. The world will barely notice our passing. No one is remembered. Even for the ones who get remembered for a time it must be asked; is it them who is remembered or is it a spectre of them that is distorted by the grime of humanity and time that is remembered more than the actual individual ever could be? Yes we’re all unique snowflakes. However, in the unrelenting blizzard of time we all pretty much look the same.

With the 1^st eleven verses Qoheleth firmly establishes that this life is hebel; a breath that is soon forgotten. The logical response to this is despair. Yet I believe that we must stare this cruel fact in the face and come to a place of acceptance with it. As we established last week this life we have is a breath preceded and followed by billions of other breaths. Nevertheless it is the only breath we’ll ever get and so what we do on our journey from crib to crypt matters a great deal. The great lesson to learn while we live is how to die.

We learn to die by examining the life we’ve lived in order to better direct the life we’ve got left. To comprehend our strengths, acknowledge our weaknesses, explore our dreams, come to grips with our nightmares, identify our defects, and polish our skills. To fully embrace our fleeting life is to accept uncertainty as the reality in which we live. During our time here under the sun we probably will not capital “K” Know anything. By that I mean humans are limited creations with the spark of the infinite. We know there is more to creation than we can ever possibly know. Learning to die is accepting our inability to fully comprehend anything. What we will see as we move forward with Qoheleth is that we are not in a place to discern what a fully worthwhile endeavor is. Once this is accepted we can then begin to live a life with a proper perspective free from the obsessions, fixations, cravings and addictions that so desperately want to drag us down. 1^st up will be wisdom. Until then, as all ways…

Have a good one,

Carl

Life, Death, and the Futility of Everything

Hey All,

The story of the bible begins in a garden. There is a harmony and rhythm to it. Like at the outset of a new romance there is a palpable sense of excitement. Everything is new, exciting, and unnamed. The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual are all jumbled together not yet haphazardly packed away in their own boxes. The supernatural is intertwined with the natural. The Divine walks with humanity and there is no shame. Then a conversation goes sideways. Choices are made and that tranquility is shattered.

The story of the bible ends in a city that descends into that fractured reality and as a result all of creation is restored to the intended order. The lion lies down with the lamb. The last are first, the peacemakers blessed, the oppressed are saved. The powerful are humbled. Every tear is wiped dry. Love reigns supreme. Once again all of creation is in harmony with God.

The book of Ecclesiastes is how things are here in the middle of the story. Everything is not okay. The kids are not all right. The lion eats the lamb. The poor are last. The wicked win. The good are beaten, tortured or take part in torture. The good are oppressed, and killed. The victorious march on the bones of their enemies. Forget “winter is coming.” Brothers and Sisters, winter is here. To top it all off, the reality is that everything we do good or bad is hebel. Hebel in Hebrew is breath. Ecclesiastes acknowledges that everything we do is a breath, a puff of air, a wisp, a vapor, intangible, fleeting, fading, and meaningless. After all what is a breath? We take thousands of breathes a day without even thinking about them. The only breath that really matters is your last one.

What the teacher in Ecclesiastes is trying to convey is that your life is a breath surrounded by 6,900,000,000 other breaths. Those breaths are the result of billions of other breaths. What you do with your breath isn’t going to amount to much. But it is the only breath you’ve got. So what are you going to do with it?

For the next 6 weeks we’re going to wade knee deep into Ecclesiastes and explore the different traps, pitfalls, valleys, mountaintops, achievements, and pursuits this fleeting life has to offer us and be ever reminded to enjoy it because it’s the last breath we’ll ever take.

Have a good one,

Carl

Anchors, Action, and Dependence on God

Hey All,

  The anchor is a symbol of hope. The anchor is a steady support against the push of the ocean. The anchor keeps you in place in spite of the storm that rages. Thomas Merton wrote that the anchor is “…to signify stability in hope: the theological virtue of hope, dependence on God.” Dependence on God is a tricky proposition. Dependence on God is a natural assumption of the Christian religion and yet in practice it is an exceedingly difficult line to toe. The submission required by a dependence on God is not always apparent and must live in tension with the God given abilities at our disposal.

The decision to act or not act is too broad and even misleading. To not act, after all, is an action all in itself. The temptation to do nothing is appealing in that at least on some level our conscience is assuaged and we rationalize that our inaction grants us some plausible deniability. No less a temptation is the call to charge headlong into action with an overzealous faith in our understanding of the cover of grace.

This seems, at least in my mind, to direct us to the importance of prayer and study. Not to compile some dogmatic lists of do’s and don’ts. Rather to recognize the tension we live in and our own inability to fully perceive Creation as it stands in God’s eyes. Out of our limitations we can recognize the need for Divine input. In our abilities we recognize the call to act. To discern the Godly course we must not cling too firmly to either one of these or any misguided notions of right or wrong. We must learn to pray without ceasing as Paul puts it. We must learn to seek the Divine in each moment. To do this requires that we slow down. When we slow our pace it gives us the time needed to breathe in the moment and give the Spirit a chance to move in the gaps of our limitations.

In Acts 3 Peter and John encounter a man who had been crippled his whole life on their way to the temple. When the man calls out to them for money the scripture says that Peter and John fixed their eyes on him. Now in Greek that phrase, “Fixed his eyes on him,” is atenizō it means to look at something intently, to fully give your attention to something. Peter and John are not caught up in the frantic rush of their plans. They are present in the moment and are willing to give this stranger their undivided attention. Peter heals the man. In this story we see that they were not so caught up in their own notions of what they ought to be doing that they were able to see the needs of others. Peter and John were seeking the Divine in each moment.

By slowing down we give God the chance to move. By slowing down we are able to perceive our own limitations and the need for a dependence on God. By slowing down we can catch glimpses of the world as it is and the world as it can be. We become attuned to the beautiful tragedy all around us. We become aware of the overwhelming amount of work to be done, our inability to affect much of anything, and out of that awareness we can see the need for God to be our anchor.

Have a good one,

Carl

Jacob, Esau, and Notions of Fair Play

Hey All,

Earlier this week a group of us walked through Genesis 27 which recounts the story of Rebekah and Jacob tricking Isaac into giving Jacob the blessing rather than Esau. One of the things that stuck in our craw a bit was that Esau is totally swindled by his brother and mother. Some in the group tried to rationalize Esau getting robbed as a result of his marrying outsiders and the anathema that this was to his folks (Gen 26.34-35). The motivation for trying to justify Esau getting robbed as a result of his somehow deserving it is rooted in our longing for things to be fair. What happens to Esau is not fair. I wonder though if that longing for fairness in our eyes is an unreasonable expectation?

The idea of something being fair is highly subjective and therefore problematic. (Now when I speak of fairness I do not mean justice. I think these two ideals are similar but they are not the same. The intent here is to wrestle with fairness not justice.) What is fair to me may not be fair to someone else. Take the game of Monopoly for example: each household has rules for Monopoly unique to their own sense of fair play. Some folks strictly adhere to the rule that if you land on Free Parking you get the money in the middle of the board other folks do not. If these two groups tried to play a game together and one of the folks from the former category lands on Free Parking and tries to reach in to get the money, well that person will be accosted with loud verbal signals that they are not playing fairly according to the latter group.

In their songs Uncle Frank and TVA, the Drive-By Truckers explore two perspectives on the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) and that organization’s effects on their families and communities. In TVA the benefits of the TVA are held up and the song shows how that organization was a godsend for a lot of folks. Uncle Frank on the other hand reveals the downside and adverse effects the TVA had on a lot other of folks. Who’s right? They both are. Were the actions of the TVA fair or not fair? I’d have to say both. I bring this up not to propose some relativistic worldview, rather I bring this up to shine a light on the limits of our abilities. When humans are involved we are limited by our abilities, perspectives, strengths, and weaknesses. Humans are not capable of perfect harmony. The TVA was set up with good intentions and yet it ended up wronging folks while in pursuit of those good intentions. Toes were stepped on, lives were ruined, and yet a lot of good was accomplished. What I’m left with is this sense that what might be fair from my perspective in a specific instance would not be fair in 100% of perspectives in 100% of instances. As a result, in my view, the pursuit of fairness is not necessarily something to expend a whole lot of energy towards. Fairness is far too fickle a thing to place in our top ten lists of criteria. Now, let’s turn back to Esau getting swindled out of his birthright.

In Genesis 25.23 God told Rebekah that the younger son would serve the older son. One of the cornerstones of the world that Jacob and Esau were born into is that the oldest son inherits everything the father has while the other kids are beneath the oldest. This is called primogeniture. By choosing Jacob rather than Esau God was throwing the whole societal structure of primogeniture into upheaval. This is a radical, offensive, revolutionary move on God’s part. For God to throw primogeniture aside in favor of Jacob would be unfair in this society. Nevertheless, what we see here is the ground work of the topsy turvy reality of the Kingdom of God where the first shall be last and the last shall be first. We are seeing the Kingdom of God that has come, is coming, and will come at work in the society of Jacob and Esau. The story of scripture is God reconciling creation and that process is occurring here in Genesis 27. Is it fair to Esau? Nope. The thing is I don’t think being fair in our eyes is something God is too concerned with. We see this in the story of Joseph reconciling with his brothers after they had sold him into slavery in. Joseph tells his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50.20).

For me this means that I would do well to accept that God’s will and actions are above me. God operates on a whole other level than I do. This means things may not shake out in ways that I perceive to be fair. That doesn’t mean God isn’t at work in these things. It just means that God’s sense of fair play isn't necessarily going to line up with our sense of fair play. Can we accept that or not?

Have a good one,

Carl

Safety, Acceptance, and A Tasteless Serial Killer Reference

Hey All,

I recently started watching The Shield. Apparently, in 2003 this was the show to watch and I can see why. It’s got a morally ambiguous main character in morally ambiguous situations that the main character reacts to in morally ambiguous ways.  If Tony Soprano had a badge he’d be Vic Mackey. The scene that has stuck with me most is the one where a woman from the neighborhood walks into the police station and demands to be heard:

Glenda: I need someone to listen to me.

Dutch: I'm busy at the moment, but maybe one of the uniforms--

Glenda: I said I need someone to listen to me!

Dutch: ...Okay. Did you want to report a crime?

Glenda: I've lost track of all the crimes.

Dutch: I don't underst--

Glenda: I've lived in this neighborhood all my life keeping my complaints to myself. But no more. My apartment has been broken into seven time in the last four years. SEVEN TIMES! And you never catch anyone! You have got graffiti and cuss words on every single wall that you see. I've got needles on my sidewalk, beer cans on my lawn, and I stopped ducking at the sound of gunshots years ago...How does this make sense? I see that yellow police tape everywhere that I go. And it's all sirens and helicopters and search lights... You got mothers killing their children, children killing strangers, and maniacs flying airplanes into buildings -- and I just want life to go back to the way it should have been! [Pause] What are you doing to make us feel safe?

What sticks with me and what I’ve been mulling over is Glenda’s question to the police: “What are you doing to make us feel safe?” My reaction to this scene was “Why are you going to the cops or any government institution in order to feel safe?” She has apparently witnessed the lack of ability the cops have in cleaning up the streets and yet she continues to turn to them. I suppose my question is why do we, like Glenda , turn to institutions that have shown time and time again that they are not able to, willing to, or interested in, focusing on our safety and well being. What makes us think that the government is willing or able to make us feel safe? What lengths would the government have to go to ensure that warm fuzzy feeling of safety? Is feeling safe worth the cost of a government providing it for us?  

¹⁰ Samuel told all the words of the LORD to the people who were asking him for a king. ¹¹ He said, “This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. ¹² Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. ¹³ He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. ¹⁴ He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. ¹⁵ He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. ¹⁶ Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. ¹⁷ He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. ¹⁸ When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the LORD will not answer you in that day.” -1 Samuel 8:10-18

If we want to sleep peaceably in our beds at night maybe we should stop outsourcing our peace of mind to rough men willing to do violence on our behalf. Perhaps our ability to feel safe should be an inside job.

Frankly, I’m not even sure that feeling safe is something that I should be desirous of at all. After all I’m trying to follow an individual who told his followers, “A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.” That doesn’t sound like a guarantee for safety and neither does this:

Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law. –Luke 12.51-53

Those aren’t exactly words that imply that we should pursue a careful timid life. I’m not advocating a cavalier approach to life that throws caution to the wind at all. I’m going to continue to look both ways before crossing a street. I’m just wondering how we got it in our heads that feeling safe should be a top priority.

Maybe instead of striving to feeling safe we should strive to accept the world as it is right now. Now to be clear, accepting something does not mean approving of, or liking something. I can accept that Jeffery Dahmer had an eating disorder. That doesn’t mean I approve of it and it doesn’t mean I like it. The question is can we acknowledge that at any given moment something decidedly unsafe may happen, accept it, and live our lives in light of this? The world is chock full of unsafe situations, people, and objects and we are powerless over 99% percent of them all. That 1% we do have power over is how we react to this precarious reality. Do we react by making an institution the linchpin of our serenity like Glenda? Or do we accept it, keep our heads on a swivel, and try to react out of love instead of fear?

Have a good one,

Carl

Outcasts, Mercy, and God's Grace

Hey All,

In Genesis 25 we have the final account of Ishmael’s life and death. The writer is tying up the loose ends of Abraham’s life and is preparing to move onto Isaac. What we see in verses 12-18 is that God fulfilled the promise given to Hagar in Gen 21:18 “…I will make him into a great nation.” I see a lot of hope in the life of Ishmael because he was, in the Hebrew tradition, cast out. It was made clear that Isaac was the child of promise and that Ishmael was not, and yet God still cares for him. Even though God’s people had cast Ishmael out God had not.  What I see time and time again in scripture is God’s concern for the outcast, the misfit, the trickster, the poor, and the oppressed.

It is this Divine concern that compels me to take the view that I ought to follow suit in my views, perspectives, and stances so that they to have an eye for these folks. I also believe I should have that bias  because I to was once a misfit, outcast, trickster, poor, and oppressed. And in some ways I still am these things albeit in different ways. In any case, I’ve found it important in my striving towards the will of God to never forget where I came from and to never forget the sin the rages still in my heart. By this I intend to, as Bonhoeffer puts it in his book Life Together, live under the Cross:

Anybody who lives beneath the Cross and who has discerned in the Cross of Jesus the utter wickedness of all men and of his own heart will find there is no sin that can ever be alien to him. Anybody who has been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sins of a brother. He knows how utterly lost it is in sin and weakness, how it goes astray in the ways of sin, and he also knows that it is accepted in grace and mercy.

I am more inclined towards mercy and grace and remaining open to the folks around me when I remember just how merciful, graceful, and open God is to me.

This does not mean I dwell on the past in sackcloth britches tossing ashes on my head. Rather, living under cross compels me to move forward, learn what it means to live a life of love, and listen to the stories, experiences, and travelogues in weakness and defeat, strength and triumph of others. I get to stop grasping at the meaningless, fleeting things of this world, and instead hunker down on the call to love God, neighbors, and enemies and enjoy the spread that the Lord of the Banquet has put on.

Have a good one,

Carl

Abraham, Isaac, and The Worst Camping Trip Ever

Hey All,

This week I get the opportunity to teach on Genesis 22 this Sunday. Yes, I get to talk about Abraham and Isaac going on the worst camping trip ever on Father’s Day. Sometimes things line up just so and you have to wonder is it odd or is it God? I’ve been diligently doing my prep work, consulting commentaries, scholarly essays, cultural references that parallel this story, and examining translations to glean additional insight that gets lost in the switch from Hebrew to English like this little morsel: the word in Hebrew that get’s translated as knife in verses 6 and 10 is ma’akeleth this type of knife, according to Robert Alter, is used in butchering animals. So, what is being described here is not a sacrifice but a slaughter. From these jumbled nuggets, factoids, panic, wisdom, epiphanies, and God’s grace I’ll hopefully put it all together in a way that reveals something about God, faith, and those of us who would call ourselves “faithful.” The thing is I can’t take my eyes off of Isaac.

I read through the story of Abraham’s test of faith I see all these wonderful theological thoughts, possibilities, notions, implications, I mean the scriptural hose is on full blast here. Yet what I keep returning to is the kid who was probably really excited to be going on an adventure with his dad. Not just any trip either a mission from God. Isaac was going to be partaking in something he had heard about his whole life. Isaac was going to get to learn what it meant to take part in the covenant that his dad and God had together.

Isaac is most likely a teenager at this point in the text. That age where we’re trying to figure out what it means to be a man.  I wonder if he felt acceptance and love when his dad told him they were going on a trip. Did he puff his chest up a bit? Walk a little taller? Run and tell his friends all about how his dad was taking him on a mission from God? I wonder if Isaac was up early the day they left sitting with his gear ready to go. I wonder if he stumbled along the way, got embarrassed, and hoped that his dad didn’t notice. I wonder if he took his father’s silence on the trip personally; obsessively looking back over the day to see if he had done something to cause this behavior. I wonder if Isaac prayed on the trip. I wonder if God responded. I wonder.

Then the day arrives and they get to where they’re going. Abraham tells the slaves to wait while he and Isaac go on ahead to worship. Was Isaac excited? Running around his father asking all types of questions or did he just ask the one, “Hey Dad, we’ve got the fire and the wood. Where is the sheep?” Is there something to him not including the knife in the list of things they already have?

How did the slaughter go down? It’s horrible if you picture it, a father taking hold of and binding his son, laying the boy on the altar, and raising a knife to kill him. Did Isaac struggle? Did he cry out? Did he plead for his life? As Abraham stood over Isaac with the knife trembling in his hands did Isaac hear God’s messenger, or did only Abraham hear it? The scene closes with Abraham returning to the men and they head home. It doesn’t say whether Isaac went with them. Did Isaac refuse to go anywhere with Abraham after this? I think Isaac needed some time to deal with what just happened. Who wouldn’t? 

Isaac is now faced with the option of holding on to this event or moving forward. Does Isaac stay in the wreckage of this place or does he grieve and heal? Will his victimhood define him? This is pretty daunting, how do you accept that your father decided that his faith, God, and his covenant with that God is more important than you? How do heal that? How do you then inherit the very covenant that put your life in peril? How do you reconcile with the God who told your father to kill you? How does that work?

Abraham’s willingness to slaughter Isaac on the altar of faith and obedience to God is an extreme example to be sure. However, some of us know what it means to have our father’s choose something else over our well being. Some of us have had our emotions, spirits, intellect, sexuality, or innocence slaughtered by our fathers in their obedience or enslavement to something. Perhaps, like Isaac, our fathers chose God over us. For some our fathers chose drugs or alcohol over us. Maybe it was religion. For others it was careers, status, and/or money.  Maybe for others it was our father’s sexual desires. For some of us our fathers chose the country over us. Duty, Honor, and the common good may have been what other fathers chose. Or maybe our fathers wanted to be anything but fathers and chose accordingly.  Some of the things that were picked over us aren't evil things. In fact some of them are good things. But, that doesn't change the idea that we where weighed in the balance of something else and our father’s chose those other things over us.

The question then is how do we come to a place of acceptance with that? How do we mourn the fact that we didn’t have the fathers we could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve had?  How do we grieve the fact that something else was more beloved, cherished more, or flat out wanted more by our fathers than we were?

For me healing has come from admitting that these wounds exist. In some instances I've seen that Dad made the right choice. There was a time when he chose the family over me. I was drinking a lot, had gotten kicked out of college, and was generally making a wreck of myself. Dad told me that he couldn't have that in his house. He was right to ask me to leave. He was right to choose the family's well being over me. It hurt at the time. I see now though that I made a choice to, I chose booze over my family, and I left for the Marines. There were other times where I was deeply wounded and I had to realize that it is okay to feel the resulting pain. I talk about that pain and the events surrounding it to folks I trust. I pray that God helps me to see my father as God sees him. I’m walking each mile of the road to acceptance: Anger, Denial, Bargaining, and finally Acceptance and I try to allow myself to feel every emotion along the way. Out of this I’ve come to realize that wounded people wound others. Odds are, if someone is hurting me, then that means someone got to them first. I’ve tried to see things from my father’s perspective and recognize that he was a kid once too and that his dad hurt him as well. He didn’t deserve some of the events from his childhood anymore than I deserved some of the events of mine. Doesn’t make what happened to either of us okay. It’s just life in a broken world. It’s not fair. It’s not just. It doesn’t make sense. This doesn’t get us off the hook though.

We have choices in this life. I can stay in that place of pain, needlessly picking at those scabs, or I can let God do God’s thing, ask for help, and allow healing to occur. For some of us that may mean seeking professional counseling, pastoral care, support groups, and/or medication. This is what I see in the rest of Isaac’s story. He moves forward. He makes mistakes. He get’s married and has some kids of his own. He tries to do better by his sons. He fails. Ultimately he is counted as one of the faithful. I think this is at least in part because he didn’t stay on that mountain rehashing his father’s betrayal any longer then he needed to. Isaac grieved, he accepted, he reconciled as best he could, he moved forward.

Doesn’t mean the scars went away and healing didn’t happen overnight. For me it has been a weekly, daily, and sometimes hourly thing. But by submitting to God’s healing process I have found a sense of well-being and serenity that surpasses my understanding. My dad and I have a good relationship today. I love him, forgave him, and seek out his counsel. He loves me and is proud of me. I am no longer bogged down by these unresolved emotions and lingering aches. I get to move forward and work on the next batch of unresolved issues. I am able to move beyond the pain of my past and fully immerse myself in the life that is available to me right now. I get to be present. I get to let go. I can acknowledge them as part of my story but they no longer define me. I get to be the sum of my actions today rather than be the sum of what others did to me.

Have a good one,

Carl