Pizza, Homophobia, and The Power of Love

Hey All,

This morning I came across an article about Joel Diaz and his friend holding hands in a pizza line. As they waited they were accosted by a man telling them to cut their “gay shit” out. The response of the folks also in line, in my mind, was a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. According to Mr. Diaz:

I was a bit startled by his words but I didn't expect what happened next. Almost every single person in that line made it known to him it was not OK for him to speak to us like that…As he continued it was actually the straight people in line who spoke up that were so awesome…I didn't expect to see allies so willing to chime in and let this guy know that his hate speech wouldn't be tolerated. The best part though was as he grew more irate and vocal the guys who work the truck stopped what they were doing and leaned towards the window and told him they would not serve him because he was spewing hate. They said they support everyone in our community and that he should get out of line because they would not be serving him. 

This instance is an example of folks standing alongside and caring for “the least of these.” The individuals who saw two fellow human beings being bullied and degraded and were unwilling to allow that type of fear based hate to be carried out are far stronger than I was in similar situations. I’m so happy for Mr. Diaz and his friend and thankful for their willingness to share this story. I want to rejoice at the changes that have taken place in my life time. We’ve gone from a culture that cringed at and protested this to a culture where folks stand up for folks like Mr. Diaz and his friend. But my heart goes out to that man who lashed out at Mr. Diaz and his friend. My heart goes out to him because I’ve been there myself. His story is my story.

Growing up I was taught that homosexuality was a sin and an abomination. We were to love the sinner but hate the sin. All through out my teens and twenties I used homophobic slurs and, unlike those folks in line, stood idly by as others berated and oppressed LGBT folks. When I was in the Marine Corps I outed a fellow Marine in a group one day. Being a middle-class white boy from the Mid-west I had no idea what I had done or the possible effects of my words. I was only vaguely aware of DADT. This is of course a prime example of the ignorance possible when one is a Blonde Haired Blue Eyed Male of German descent. I was totally in the wrong. 

The miracle here is that I was stationed with that Marine later and he showed me a level of love, friendship, and respect that was fundamental in helping to crack my hardened heart. For me, my evolution from being a homophobe to an LGBT Ally was a series of events like this one. I never had a bolt of lightning moment where the scales of homophobia fell from my eyes. It was a series of events and transistions.

The cumulative effects of those cracks like I had experienced in the Corps began to bring the dam down when I was in college studying to be a Pastor. It was in my bible classes where I learned about post-modernism, exegesis, and a broad spectrum of theology that I gave myself permission to really examine my beliefs and how I came about them. What to hold on to and what to throw out.

Up till this point I had been pretty content to maintain the “If Bible says it is wrong then don’t do it” line. But the reality was that it’s always been murkier than that. The bible has verses that condone slavery, stoning unruly children, stoning adulterers, makes a case for the genocide of entire people groups. I need only look to my German and American heritage to see the need to actively work against these kinds of verses.

What I had to do was to look at scripture to try and discern what the overarching point is. When we look at scripture as a whole what is the take away message? For me the answer to that is God loves us (John 3:16) and in fact God is Love (1 John 4:8). In light of this I believe that Love is the lens through which I am to look at all of creation. It is with a prejudice of Love that I am to align myself. I believe this is what Jesus was pointing to in Matthew 22: 37-39: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all of your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

In light of this I began to see that a sin is anything that inhibits, negates, hinders, or prohibits love. Let’s take alcoholic drinking for example. I use alcoholic drinking for two reasons 1. I am an alcoholic and I like to keep things in my wheelhouse. 2. This statement, “It’s not a sin to be a Homosexual just like it’s not a sin to be an Alcoholic. It’s just a sin to act on those things.” Therein lies the rub. I believe that alcoholic drinking is a sin because it impedes my ability to love. When I am drinking my sole purpose in life becomes centered on drinking rather than love. My primary concern is not to love my God, fellow human beings, or myself. No, my concern is whatever I’ve got to do to get to my next drink. So, alcoholic drinking is a sin because it stands in the way of my ability to love.

Now let’s take homosexuality. Does being in a homosexual relationship inhibit those within the relationships ability to love? Does being attracted to a man inhibit the ability to love? Does being attracted to a woman inhibit the ability to love? I’m not talking about lust. Lust robs people of their humanity. I’m talking about the simple, primal attraction we all feel when we encounter that certain someone and desire to be in relationship with that person. Does that impede our ability to love? Does desiring intimacy with that certain someone negate our ability to love?  Does wanting to share our life with that individual hamper our ability to love? No of course it doesn’t. If anything, those things strengthen our ability to love. Because I answer no to each of those questions I found that I must answer no to the question of whether or not homosexuality is a sin. (For far more eloquent and in depth articulations of this line of thought check out John Shore’s book Unfair and Matthew Vine’s outstanding talk The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality)

When I came to this understanding of scripture and the Gospel my faith required that I change my beliefs. No longer can I stand by and watch as people are oppressed and treated as second class citizens of the Kingdom we’re all invited into. No longer could I claim ignorance out of fear. No longer could I remain off stage or on the sidelines. Love does not permit such cowardice. Love requires and compels me to stand alongside my brothers and sisters in the trenches. It was for this reason that, when asked to in 2012, I officially left the denomination I was seeking ordination through and began speaking out in support of LGBT rights and equality. For me this was a 25 year wrestling. It is no easy thing to pull a 180 on something so entrenched as a belief that something is a sin or is in some way detestable.

I told you all of that to ask this: Please pray for that man. Pray that this moment will be a turning point for him. As a repentant homophobe myself I can attest to the fact that he’s not too far gone or unable to change. None of us are. The God who is Love is One who doggedly and blessedly pursues wayward folks like him and me.

Have a good one,

Carl